It's been 21 days since my last post. There are several reasons for it. We had family visit from Illinois, which was wonderful. I have been busy with "back to school" activities and commitments. My headaches, lately, have interfered with my mood and energy level. Sadly, I just haven't been in the mood to write.
To begin, I must say that if you have never moved, you may not be able to relate to, or even begin to understand, what I am writing about. That is not meant to offend anyone; it is just a fact. Before I moved, I wouldn't have understood; however, I think I finally have it figured out. At this point you're probably wondering, "What has she figured out?"
I believe I have finally learned the true meaning of "homesick."
I have, sort of, developed my own definition. I'll explain.
The kids were out of school this past Thursday and Friday for Rosh Hashanah. My husband took Friday off of work so that we could drive to upstate NY to Lake George. We wanted to explore the lake and go to the Great Escape Six Flags amusement park. Little did I know just how much I would learn on our little getaway!
We were about two hours from where we live in NY. We were filling up our van with gas. A car pulled into the pump in front of our van. My husband looked at me and said, "Look! A Chevy Lumina!" My mouth dropped. I knew exactly what he meant. He then said, "I haven't seen one of those in four months."
Wow. Obviously, that had never ocurred to me, but I was never so thrilled to see a Chevy Lumina. Such a familiar car...a car I didn't even realize that I had missed, or even ever noticed, until I saw one again.
We continued to drive. My husband and I kept recognizing things we were used to back "home." We were recognizing things in our old comfort zone. "Look, a Toyota Tundra! Look, a Ford F150!" We were seeing these pickup trucks and loving it!
Finally, we saw what brought the biggest smile to all of our faces! I yelled, "Look! A truck with a four-wheeler in the back!" Awesome! My husband said, "I feel like we're back home."
We stopped again. There it was...a truly wonderful sight: A young girl walked into a rest stop with her dad and she was wearing a camo ballcap. "Look! That girl is dressed in camo!" It was beautiful! It was comforting! It was enlightening!
I was really beginning to figure a few things out in my head. I was starting to put together some pieces of a puzzle...a "homesick" puzzle.
*Again, if you've never moved to a completely different region of the country, you are probably bored right now, or thinking I have lost my mind, but, if you have, you know EXACTLY what I'm talking about!
We arrived at our hotel. A lady there called me, "honey." What?? Did she call me "honey?" She used a term of endearment with me, yet she doesn't know me? I am no longer in Westchester county! I seriously felt like hugging her!
We went to bed that night and all of these sights and words were running through my mind. I was somewhat confused and still trying put the pieces of the puzzle together. I finally fell asleep.
The next morning we went to a local diner for breakfast. We sat up at the bar. A huge painting on the wall spoke volumes. It wasn't frivolous. It wasn't painted from the talented hand of a famous artist. Still, it allowed me to continue putting the puzzle in my head together.
It said, "God is love. 1 John 4:8"
Unbelievable. Were we back in the midwest? It sure did feel like it!
You see, what we have seen in our new location is total political correctness. A scripture verse would not be hung in a restaurant. It wouldn"t be hung anywhere! It may offend someone who doesn't have traditional "Christian" values.
It's all so interesting. I have learned so much. I have definitely learned that the way I choose to serve God is not the most popular way. Still, I serve Him.
It is a great responsibility and honor.
Yes, the past few weeks I have felt homesick. But, homesick for what?
I talk to my family every single day...sometimes several times per day. The same it true with my close friends. We have had many visitors from home, and have more scheduled to arrive this month and next! So, what gives??
I feel like we're adjusting. I am really finding my way around and learning the "rules and regs" of our new location. I am learning ways to get involved in the schools. I am pleased, immensely, with the schools that my children attend. The pure adventure, fun, and outlets for knowledge that surround us thrills me.
Well, as I said before, I believe I finally have it figured out. The puzzle is almost complete.
As basic, and maybe silly, as this sounds, I'm going to say it anyway. It is my definition of "homesick." It is the familiar, basic, and noneventful things we see every single day...the ones we don't give a second thought to because they are so commonplace, that we miss the most. The craziest part is that we don't realize we even miss them, or what we have been longing for, until we see them agian.
A Chevy Lumina, a Toyota Tundra, a Ford F150 hauling a four-wheeler, any type of camo clothing, someone using a "term of endearment" with me, or a scripture verse painted on the wall...
Do any of you even notice these things? I bet you don't. I didn't either, before...
My world has changed. Sometimes I feel like moving to NY is very similar to moving to another country. Obviously, this wouldn't be true of every part of NY; however, living near NYC certainly is. Everything is fast, hurried, and blown out of proportion. Things that are no big deal to me are made into a huge debate here. Everything has to be voted upon. People are very blunt. If you are getting on their nerves, they have no problem telling you. If you are in the grocery store, with your cart, and are taking a bit too long to decided on what brand of peanut butter you want, they have no problem saying, "What are you waiting for? A green light?" (I speak from personal experience!)
They call tennis shoes, sneakers. They call sauce for pasta, gravy. They call pop, soda. They call pizzas, pies.
When I took my son to school a few weeks ago, an employee of the school said to my son, "Good! You wore your cool sneakers! We have gym today." I smiled and said, "In Illinois we call them tennis shoes. It's amazing how the different states have differing terms for certain words." He said, "Tennis shoes are for playing tennis."
Really?? Then what are "sneakers" for?? Sneaking around? Whatever!
I can't begin to explain to you all of the differences. They are vast. Those of you who have been here to visit know exactly what I'm talking about. Establishing a new comfort zone has been the most difficult thing I have ever had to do. It doesn't matter how much fun you're having, or how much you're learning, or the life experiences you're gaining. You still have to have a comfort zone. You have to allow yourself to develop one. It can't be just inside the walls of your home. You have to establish a comfort zone in your community.
I'm so glad we decided to take the trip to upstate NY. I always pray and ask God to lead and guide my every move. I ask him to light the path I am supposed to take...just as a runway is all lit up so that the airplane knows exactly where to land. I feel our trip was an answered prayer. I get it now.
It's those teeny tiny insignificant things back in Illinois that I was longing for. So, I always had this ache in my heart, but I didn't know why. Now that I've see those things again, I understand. I know what I have been missing. Certain vehicles, clothes, and ways of life are what I needed to see. I had absolutely no idea what it was until that Chevy Lumina pulled in front of us at the gas station.
Those pieces of the puzzle are put together now. They fit so nicely. There are still some pieces missing. Most of those pieces are my ability to accept the new and develop a level of comfort with the new...no matter how difficult that may be. I really believe having all of this revealed to me over the weekend will help me do that. I am going to strive to do this. I'll put on the full armor of God every day knowing that when I've done all that I feel like I can do, I will still stand like a pillar. (Ephesians 6) I can do this. I can become comfortable again, even if things around me look unfamiliar.
One day, in the near future, maybe my whole puzzle will be complete. Although, do I really want the entire puzzle complete? Probably not. I need to leave a couple of pieces unavailable and reserved for "crazy." We all deserve a little bit of that every now and then. :)
Our move to the Deep South was probably the opposite side of this same coin. Camo, Scripture, and sticky sweet friendliness are everywhere. Sincerity and belonging however, are hard to find. Southern women are some of the hardest to read in the world! The "gracious" host is more often that not putting on the same front her momma did. The "right" china pattern, brand of shoes or 'pocketbook' (no purses in the south!)are a huge deal. The term "Bless Your Heart" can mean everything from "God sees your pain and I pray he blesses you today" to "You have got to be the stupidest person alive" to worse, but I won't write those!
ReplyDeleteA true friend is very hard to find. I'm coordinating a Mothers of Preschoolers (MOPS) group, and 80% of the moms involved are from other areas of the country and have been here 1 yr or less. The biggests complaint? The women who are from here are not welcoming. Not really. The loneliness is staggering. Even in churches. I'm sure the same is true in NYC. It's amazing how comforting it is to find a true friend who is okay that I carry a purse and push a cart in the grocery store and likes me anyway :) It has taken time, but I wouldn't trade my Southern ladies for anything now. And I'm very glad for the discernment to tell the difference!
I am praying that your "friend just like a sister" is right around the corner! I love my family and friends back home, but you have to have someone right there to really feel 'at home'. God sees your need. And He has sweet gifts for you, even in NY.
Keisha,
ReplyDeleteYou have moved me to tears. I know you are right. I refuse to not "be myself" in every situation, and finding people with similar values...who love me just the way I am, can be difficult. Believe me, I can find plenty of women who want to take me "out" on the town. That is not at all what I am looking for.
Good for you for coordinating your local MOPS group. You probably don't even realize the impact you are having in the lives of all of those ladies!
I appreciate your kind words and friendship.