Day 40

Just typing, "Day 40" seems so strange!  Has it been that long?
Some days it seems like I've never lived anywhere else, and, other days, it seems like we just moved in.

I picked my son up from day camp this afternoon and he said, "Mom, do you remember when we moved in? 
"Yes!"  I answered.  "Why do you ask?"
He replied, so seriously, "It was difficult."
I was sort of shocked that he said that, and I said, "You can say that again."
Of course, my witty son then said, "It was difficult."

It literally makes me sad when I think about our first two weeks here.  So, I just try not to think about it, and, instead, I reflect on how far we have come and how well we have adjusted.

I waited until 3PM today so that I could take advantage of the free parking at the train station, and my son and I headed to the barber shop.
Of course, I could not find it.  I stopped and asked someone and he pointed us in the right direction.

We went in.  Three barbers were giving cuts and the fourth was sweeping.  I told them that my son needed his hair cut.  Then, the youngest barber, a man in his early twenties, said, "I'm sorry about yesterday, ma'am."
Yikes!  First, he remembered me having to walk out yesterday.  Second, he called me, "ma'am!"  I had on a cute pair of jeans and one of my favorite shirts.  My hair was up in a ponytail.  Why did he call me that? 
Oh, I felt old! 
Another barber said, "What happened yesterday?"
Where are my magic wings when I need them?
The young barber casually said, "She was in here yesterday and only had her debit card.  She didn't have cash."
The barber helped my son up in the chair and nothing else was said about it.
It was over.  It was all no big deal.

My son got his hair cut and looked incredibly handsome. 

Today has been an "almost" headache free day.  I am praying tomorrow is the same.  I just want to feel completely normal again.  Five months of this is enough. 

Tomorrow my cousin from Manhattan is bringing her daughter over to swim and spend the day with my son and I.  We're really looking forward to it.  I am certainly craving some good adult conversation!

In three days, my family will be here to visit.  Mere words cannot adequately describe my joy!

Day 40:  My daughter is in the kitchen laughing with a friend on the phone, and my son is in bed sporting his new haircut.  My babies are happy, and so am I.

Day 39--The Hydrant

I believe the saying goes, "Some days you're the dog; some days you're the hydrant.  For me, this has been a "hydrant" sort of day.

We've been here for 39 days now.  My comfort level is improving.  I am venturing out more.  I still get a bit nervous when I have errands to run or places to go; however, at least I am out and exploring.

Let me clarify my nervousness.  Where I'm from, when I had somewhere to go, I would hop in my van and drive, in minimum traffic, to my destination, which was usually within a five mile radius.  I'd pull into the parking lot, find a space, park, run in, and then I'd usually see several people I knew, at which time we'd exchange small talk and usually a few laughs. 

In NY, there is a lot of traffic.  There are very few places to park without paying the meter.  There is five minute parking, 15 minute parking, and one hour parking.  I pay the meter, walk around searching for my destination, and more often that not, by the time I find it, it's time for me to go back and put more change in the meter! 
At this point, I usually begin to feel my blood pressure rise.  I can feel my heart beating a little bit faster, and I begin to feel extremely self conscious.  As I stand on the street waiting for the sign to let me cross, with traffic whizzing by me, my mind begins to play tricks on me.  I think things like, "The people in that car are laughing at me.  I must be doing something wrong.  Am I not supposed to be crossing here?  I am at a crosswalk, so surely this is right!"
Then I think, "These drivers know I'm new here and they can tell that I'm lost and have absolutely no idea where I am going or what I'm doing!" 
Then, I begin to sweat.  I can feel my hands shaking. I just want to grab an imaginary shovel, dig a hole, and bury myself in it...just to get away from the embarassment for awhile.

I am aware that the drivers aren't really laughing at me.  They are in heavy traffic trying to avoid an accident.  The are certainly not looking over at me laughing and saying, "I can tell she has absolutely no idea what she's doing!" 
My mind tells me otherwise.

Yes, today I felt less like the confident and adorable dog and more like the hydrant that the dog has chosen to urinate on. 

My son needed a haircut.  He hasn't had one since before we moved from Illinois.  I thought, "Well, I'll wait until after 3PM because then I can park at the train station free of charge.  From there, I'll walk around downtown until I find a barbershop."
It was a brilliant idea.  I could remember seeing salons, spas, and barbers down there, so I knew I'd eventually find one.

I parked at the station, free of charge, and already felt accomplished.  I took my son's sweet hand, and we began to walk.  Where was that barbershop?  Oh no, was beginning to sweat, profusely.  I put my sunglasses on so that hopefully individuals passing me won't be able to see the fear in my eyes.

I found the barbershop!  We went inside.  There were four barbers, three of which are cutting hair.  The fourth was friendly and asked Isaac if he needed a haircut.  I said, "Do you take debit or credit cards?" 
He said, "No, only cash or checks."  I said, "Oh, I'll have to come back then."  My heart was racing.  I took my son's hand and we walked out. 

I found a small salon.  We went in and I told the stylist that my son needed a haircut.  I just took for granted that it was a "walk-in" salong.  The sylist walked over and looked through the book.  She says, "We can cut him at 5:30."  I said, "Oh, that won't work, but thanks anyway."  We left.

We went the next block over into a toy store.  The air conditioning felt so good!  I let my son play with some of the toys and I just tried to blend into the aisles.  Finally, I told him we needed to get going. 

We walked past a bakery that looked fun and delicious.  I asked him if he wanted a cupcake, and we went inside.  He chose a blue iced cookie shaped like a star.  The lady said, "It'll be $2.75."
I handed her my debit card.  She said, "Oh, sorry, we only take debit and credit if the purchase is over $10.00."
I was thinking, "Can I please diappear now?" 
I began to dig through my wallet.  I felt like the line behind me was a mile long and I was in everyone's way.  Those of you who know me know exactly what my wallet is like.  It's a mess!  I keep every receipt.  It's a very strange habit I have.  I was frantically digging for change.  I was dropping change and my receipts were falling all over the counter.  I started praying, "Oh Lord, PLEASE help me to find $2.75!  My son has already taken a bite out of the cookie!"
Finally!  I had the money and handed it over to her. 

At this point, I just wanted to go find the train station, get in my van, and speed home!  I held my son's hand and we walked back to the station.  He was asking questions about the traffic lights, the weather, and enjoying his iced cookie.  I just wanted to somehow grow magic wings and fly home.

My son yelled, "There's the van!"  He let go of my hand and started running towards it.  It was at that very moment that I realized that I didn't have my keys! What?  You've got to be kidding me!  I had felt embarassed every single place I had been, and I was going to have to go back to all of those places and find my keys!  I wanted to cry, but that would have been a big fat waste of time.  I was hot and sweaty and just wanted to find my keys.

So, I took my son's sticky hand and off we went in search of my keys.  Thankfully, my first stop was the bakery.  As soon as we entered, the cashier said, "You forgot your keys."
I wanted to leap over the counter, grab her by the shoulders, and scream at the top of my lungs, "I am aware of that; why do you think I came back?"  That would have been another big fat waste of time.  Instead, I simply took my keys, thanked her, and we began the long walk back to the train station.

I'm sure it all seems silly.  Why would those scenarios make my heart race, make me sweat, and make my hands shake?  Why would all of that make me start thinking irrational thoughts about what people are actually thinking of me? 
If similar circumstances would've happened in Illinois, I wouln't have even given it a second thought.  None of it would have been an issue.  Why is it so overwhelming here?  Why did this "hydrant" day make me want to just sit down and cry?

It's difficult to explain.  Everything I knew as familiar, with the exception of my husband and children, does not exist here.  It has all been taken away.  Nothing looks familiar.  I don't recognize a person, place, or thing.  Every single solitary thing I see, experience, or do is brand new.  It's like I'm an alien visiting a different planet.  Only, I'm not an alien, and I'm not visiting...I live here now.  Adjusting is just plain hard!  There is absolutely nothing easy about it; however, even though it's the most difficult thing I've ever done, I AM doing it.

Psalm 121:1 reads, "My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth."  I needed help today!  I felt misplaced and unsure of myself and everything around me.  I got home, took some deep breaths, and began to pray.  I asked the Lord to take the fear and anxiety that I was feeling from me.  I wanted it taken away.  I refused to let it bully me.  I began to feel like I was in control of again.  I felt His peace.

Psalm 118:24 reads, "This is the day the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it."  I sure didn't feel like rejoicing in the midst of my uncomfortable circumstance, and that is fine.  I'm rejoicing now for several reasons.  First, I'm home!  Second, I gained valuable knowledge today.  I know that it's important to have cash at many small businesses, and I learned where some of these businesses are located.  Last, but certainly not least, I'm rejoicing because my son had a great time.  He went to the toy store, enjoyed a cookie, and had a scenic walk downtown! 

Life is certainly a roller coaster.  It has twists, turns, ups, downs, and even long lines.  It's also full of fun, excitement, and anticipation for what's to come. 

My son still needs a haircut. 
We'll go tomorrow, and I'll have cash.

Day 38...My dad rocks!

My dad rocks; he really does!

He is strong, physically, spiritually, and mentally.  He is also sensitive.  Seriously, he has been know to cry over a commercial.  That's what makes him so unique and wonderful.

When I was a little girl, people would frequently say to me, "You look just like your dad!"  I would cry.  I would stop, right then and there, and let the tears flow.  How could I look like my dad?  He was a man! 

Our personalities are very similar.  I know that is why we butted heads when I was growing up, especially in my teen years.  We are both loud, hard-headed, and sentimental.  We love hard, play hard, and fight hard.

It was the summer going into my sixth grade school year.  I had my first boyfriend.  His name was Chris, and I really liked him a lot.  Looking back now, I can't think of one reason why I actually liked him, or what I would have possibly saw in him, but, nonetheless, I did really like him.  One summer day, after a neighborhood game of kickball, he walked up to me and simply said, "I don't want to go out with you anymore."  Funny, we had never "gone out" anywhere; however, I knew what he meant.  He didn't like me anymore.  Rejection!  Needless to say, I was very upset and I walked home and cried.

That evening, I saw my dad's car pulling into the parking garage.  I ran out there, and by the time he had opened his car door, I was crying on his lap.  If I remember correctly, I was sobbing!  I don't even think he knew that I had a boyfriend.  It had only lasted a couple of weeks!  Still, he "got it."  He was even a bit choked up himself...seeing me feel my first pain of rejection.  He said, and these are words I will never, ever forget, "Heather, I'll always be your boyfriend." 
That was all it took.  I knew exactly what he meant.  It didn't matter how many boys I liked, or how many liked me, or how many times I would get my heart broken.  He was my "first" love.  I knew everything would be just fine.
And it was.

He was quite the disciplinarian.  You did not cross my dad with nasty attitude.  I have always had to have the last word.  Wow!  That did not fly with him!  Still, I tested that for years and years.  Looking back on some of the things I put him through as I was growing up makes me sad.  He loved me so much.  It was such an unconditional love.  It didn't matter what I did.  He would be heartbroken.  I broke his heart many times, but just as God forgives us when we ask, so did my dad.  He is not a grudge-holder.  He forgives...every single time.
My dad rocks.

My senior year of high school, I became pregnant.  I was in love with my boyfriend, and we had been together for quite some time.  My parents loved him.  We had mentioned to my parents that we were planning to get married after college.  Obviously, the pregnancy wasn't planned, but that's the way life works.  I was raised in a Christian home.  I was taught that premarital sex was to be avoided.  I agree with that, and pray for that for my own children.  I just didn't listen. 
I told my boyfriend (now husband of almost 17 years...praise the name of Jesus) about the pregnancy.  It was right before the holidays of Thanksgiving and Christmas.  We decided we would keep it a secret until Thanksgiving was over.  Then, the day after Thanksgiving, at noon, we would both tell our parents.  I don't know why we chose to handle it that way.  We were teenagers.  Who knows.

I told my mom first.  I couldn't fathom telling my dad.  I was the oldest of three daughters.  What kind of example was I setting for my younger sisters?  I was a senior in high school!  What would everyone think?
I knew everyone was having sex.  I didn't know one single girl who wasn't; however, they were on the birth cotrol pill, or even having abortions. 
My mom said, "Heather, let me tell your dad.  I just don't know how he'll react."

I was in my bedroom upstairs.  My parents were in the basement.  I could hear noises.  I knew she was telling him, but I couldn't exactly hear what was going on. 
What would he say?  What would he do?  Would he even love me?  Was this "forgiveable?"

All of the sudden, as I was sitting on my bed in a panic mode, my bedroom door opened and it was my dad.  He closed the door.  I was so scared.  I can still remember my emotions as if it were yesterday.  He walked over to me, put his arms around me, and hugged me so tightly.  I could literally feel the love.  We both cried. 
Was he disappointed?  Of course.  BUT, he didn't even go into all of that.  He knew I knew that.  No words needed to be spoken regarding that.  I had a baby growing inside of me, and he already loved her, just like he loved me. 
My dad rocks.

I got married to my boyfriend, and we have raised the most amazing daughter.  we couldn't ask for anything more.  She is a gift to our entire family. 

As I aged, dad and I developed a friendship.  We were no longer only dad/daughter.  He was a friend.  He became one of my best friends.  To know you have someone who loves you more than life, someone who would die for you at a moment's notice, is what I have in my dad.  I can call him at anytime, for anything, and he is there for me and my family.
My dad rocks.

Advice is what I most seek from him.  In life, when I am going through hardships, when I feel like I just can't go on, and when I am just full of questions, I call my dad.  His wisdom cannot even be described. 
Before our move, a family member had received a report from a doctor that did not sit well with me.  I called my dad.  I can still hear his voice, as if it were yesterday, saying, "Heather, when you've done all you can do, then you lay it down.  Just lay it down."  He's right.  I needed to lay it down at the feet of my Heavenly Father.  It's unfathomable that my Heavenly Father loves me even more than my dad, but He does!  Every time I am stressed, brokenhearted, or  grieved, I hear my dad saying, "Just lay it down."  Then, I lay it down.
My dad rocks!

Right before our move, I began to get cold feet.  I really didn't think I could make a move of this magnitude.  How could I be so far away from my family and friends?  How could I move to a place where I did not know one single person?  How would this move effect my children?  I called my dad.  I cried on the phone.  I talked and cried and sobbed and talked some more.  He listened.  He is a great listener.  That is part of his wisdom.
He said, "Heather, you're a soldier.  God made you to be a soldier.  Get up each morning and put on the full armor of God.  You can do all things through Christ who gives you strength.  You are a child of the King.  You are tough.  You can do this!" 
He was right...as always. 
I put on the armor of God each day.  I trust that God will get me through anything that I feel that I can't handle myself.  I can hear my dad giving me this advice, and I smile every time I think about it.
My dad rocks.

Today, I was outside pulling weeds.  I sent a text message to my dad asking him to call me after work.  He called me soon after.  I was checking on him because he works outside in the heat and it has been HOT!  I sit inside in my air conditioned home, or enjoy my pool, all while my daddy is outside working in this heat.  It makes me sick to think about sometimes.   He said he was fine.  He uses his common sense.  He knows when he needs to take a break, or even leave.  He's just awesome.  I was sweating, pulling weeds, and having a fabulous conversation with my sweet and precious dad. 
Did I mention that he rocks?

My son idolizes him.  He things his papaw is just the ultimate in super coolness.  Papaw bought him a real four-wheeler for his 5th birthday.  My dad also has a four-wheeler.  My dad hunts and fishes and is a "wilderness man."  My six-year-old son says he can't wait to go deer hunting for the first time with his papaw. It'll happen.  My daughter went to two days of "gun safety training" with my dad. She passed!   They enjoy hunting together.  As they walk throught the woods, he talkes to her about Jesus and how much He loves her.  She soaks it all in.  She loves her "papaw time" 
My son rides his yellow four-wheeler and says, "Papaw wouldn't believe it if he could see me doing this!"  He idolizes him.  He really doesn't know anyone else like his papaw.  Papaw is an original.  I'm thankful for that.
Dang....my dad rocks!

Tonight, I heard my 17-year-old daughter in her room on the phone.  She was talking a mile a minute.  Every so often, I'd hear hear cracking up laughing.  This went on for quite some time.  Later, when she came downstairs, I said, "Who in the world have you been talking to?" 
"I've been talking to papaw," she replied.
I said, "What were you guys talking about?"
She said, "Mom, papaw is so wise.  I can't get over it.  I talked to him about my college decisions and asked him his opinions and told him all about my day at work."  She went on to say, "He told me to set my goal, and then go for it.   Don't let anything get in your way.  Stay focused and go for it!" 
Then she said, "Mom, when I talk to him, I feel like I know exactly what I'm supposed to do.  He is one of the wisest men on the planet."
I smiled.  That's MY dad!  That's my hero. 
That's the man who raised me, loved me, protected me, provided for me, and thinks I'm the most wonderful girl on the planet.
That's the man who came in, when I was a pregant teenager, defying his rules, and embraced me.  It's the man who stayed with me during my labor with my daughter and then aided her through her colic episodes by letting her sleep on his chest.  This is the man who has loved my precious mom for more than 40 years.  He makes her feel like the most beautiful woman on earth...like she is the only woman on earth. 
In my children's eyes, my dad rocks!

My dad....he puts the Lord first, he adores my mom and always has.  I've never heard them yell at each other.  He supports his daughters.  He loves his girls.  He laughts at his grandsons as they behave as "boys do."  He thinks his grandaughters are true princesses. 

I don't take this relationship for granted.  Trust me, I know that I am blessed beyond measure to have my dad as "my dad."  When I pray, I pray, "Lord, thank you for placing me in the family that you chose to place me in."  I mean that.  My dad was supposed to be my dad.  I am his "mini me."  I don't cry about that anymore!  I take great pride in it!  The love he has for the Lord and for others is like something I've never witnessed before. 
When I called him today, I said, "Dad, I worry about you working out in this heat."
He said, "Heather, I use my common sense, and the Lord takes care of me.  You're not supposed to worry."
He's right.  He always is.
My dad rocks.
What did I do to deserve this wonderful man as my dad?

I love my dad.

Day 37

I am at a standstill:  What exactly am I supposed to do with my life?

I'm 35-years-old.  That questions sounds like something a teenager would ask.  I find myself asking it, over and over again. 

I majored in English and minored in secondary education.  I taught high school English for four years.  Then, my second child was born, and I decided to stay at home full-time.  I have cherished every single second of it.  I love getting the kids off to school, and being home when they return.  If they get sick at school and need me they call and I am right there to pick them up.  On snow days, we just sleep in and enjoy hanging out all day. 
My family IS my job!  It is the best job in the world.  I have no doubts about that.

When the school year begins, I will have a senior in high school and a first grader. 

Do I continue to stay home?  Although my kids are in school all day, there remains an endless list of things that need to be done around the house.  In addition, I will volunteer in the schools, just as I did last year.

Do I find a job?  If so, do I look for a full-time job, a part-time job, or a job that I can do only when it is convenient, such as substitute teaching.

Do I spend my time volunteering?  There are schools, homeless shelters,  nursing homes, pet shelters, and countless other opportunities.  I love people, and I know it would give me pleasure to do this type of work.

Do I write?  I have always wanted to write a book.  I have written so many poems and stories.  I have lots of ideas that are always spinning around in my mind.  Do I actively try to pursue this?

Before I proceed, I must admit that I realize I am blessed to be able to decide which direction my life should take.  I am currently not working a full-time job.  I have no income at this time.  So, I am able to really focus on what I would like to do.
What would I love?  Where would I thrive?  What would most benefit my family.  They are, and always will be, my first priority.  Nothing, with the exception of God Himself, will ever come before my husband and my children.

I was sitting outside today as my son was playing.  It was hot.  I was staring down at the pond.  The tall trees were swaying in the breeze.  I  could hear the loud bullfrogs in the pond and the beautiful songs of the various types of birds around me. 

I began to pray out loud,  "Lord, please show me what to do.  Please lead me.  Proverbs 3:5 says that if I trust in You with all of my heart and do not rely on my own understanding, and if I acknowledge you in all of my ways then you will direct my path.  Lord, my path needs directed.  I don't even feel like I'm on a path.  My path is "blank."  What can I do, Lord?"
Then, I stopped and continued to observe the nature all around me. 

I heard, "Be still."

That is all I needed to hear.  It made perfect sense to me. 
I am impatient.  We have only lived here for 37 days.  I expect friends beating down my door to hang out and to be completely settled and invloved in a church and to be completely immersed and thriving in our new community. 
I have this picture in my head of exactly how everything should be.  When will I learn that my way is not the perfect way? 
My husband loves is job and my children are loving their new home, activities and friends.  I've been unsure of my next step.

I'm convinced God is giving me time to "be still."  If I feel lonely, discouraged, or confused, I need find a place outside, get out my Bible, and read and search and soak it all up.  I have to take this time to "be still" because that is what I have been directed to do.
This is not easy for me, but I'm  not looking for easy.
I'm looking to grow.

Day 36

We visited another church this morning.  I, of course, was a bit nervous.  We LOVED our church in Illinois.  It took years to find a church that we all loved so much, and then we moved!  It's not easy going into a church for the first time.  Still, it must be done! 
We were so glad we visited!  Yes, there were some things about it that we didn't love, but that would is true for everything...stores, schools, gyms, doctors, etc...
What matters is the "core."  We left feeling ministered to and we were all smiling.  We will definitely be going back again next week!

Today was our lane's "pie party."  It was so awesome!  Every home on our lane was represented!  We all met at one of the homes and had pie, fruit, and iced tea.  Someone mentioned lemonade, so she took my son into the kitchen and let him squeeze the lemons and add the sugar and water.  He loved it. 
We have such interesting neighbors! 

I've already mentioned my next door neightbor who is in her nineties.  Well, I found out today that she is also an artist!  You should see some of her paintings!  Also, she was a beekeeper for many, many years.  It sounds like she is also writing a book. 

Then, there is the hostess of the party.  I mentioned her in an earlier blog post as well.  We met at the mailboxes one evening and I discussed our recent move and she discussed the recent death of her husband of 50 years.  She is the kind of person you just want to hug.  She is kind and welcoming.  She is a wonderful listener.  She loves children.  She is artsy and musical and so intelligent.  She has been through so much in the last two months, and yet she takes the time to invite everyone on the lane to her home so that they can all meet the "new family!"  She is such a blessing!

My neighbor in her nineties' daughter lives on the lane with her husband.  He works in intelligence and she does something in the city.  I didn't quite catch what her day job is; however, I found out that she is an opera singer and has sang with the New York City Opera!  I'm impressed! 

One man is single.  He is very nice and we only just met him today because he has been working in China for the past few weeks.  He is friendly, smart, and says he is going to teach my husband and I how to play tennis.  I'm guessing he is in his 50's.  He started playing a few years ago and loves it.  We are looking forward to the lessons!

The last couple on the lane lives two doors down from us.  They both work in the city, so we didn't meet them until today.  I'm so glad we did.  I'm guessing they are about the same age as my husband and I.  They don't have any children.  He loves gardening, computers, etc...She enjoys fishing, yard games, etc...I am not sure what her occupation is, but he does something in the city involving films.  They are very nice and hilarious! 

What a day!  I feel blessed. 
I am using mental toughness that I didn't know I had.  Physical strength is wonderful and necessary, but to be equipped with mental strength and the ability to adapt to change is crucial.   I had no idea how strong I was before the move. 

My family will be here in a week from today.  I feel so proud to show them my HOME!  I'm looking forward to introducing them to my neighbors.  

On a side note...I can't get "dogs" off of my mind.  I keep up with some of the NY shelters online.  I have been watching three different dogs.  Today, I decided I was going to the shelter to see and play with them.  Would there be a connection??
Well, my favorite had been adopted and then returned for biting.  My second and third choices had just beena adopted.  Needless to say, no connection was made today!

Maybe next time!

Day 35

The weather today was beautiful.  The sun never stopped shining and we spent a lot of time outdoors enjoying it.

We worked out with a friend this morning, and then my neighbor down the lane, the one who is recently widowed, came down and invited us to a "lane" party tomorrow at 4.  The lady next door, the one who is in her nineties and still mows her lawn, is making blueberry pies for the entire lane!  We're looking so forward to the "pie party!"

My daughter attended the local Music Festival today.  Our village has it each year and it draws between 5-6,000 people.  She had a fabulous time and met a lot of new friends. 

We put up a volleyball net in the yard today.  We love to play volleyball.  I'm somewhat scared of the ball, but I still enjoy it .

We spent about three hours in the pool!  Our son is becoming an amazing swimmer!  We are thinking of putting him on a swim team. 

We decided to drive about half an hour to this huge outlet mall.  It was stunning in beauty and had every store one could possibly imagine.  There was an amazing view of the mountains.  On our way, we stopped at a Mexican restaurant and had some super tasty tacos.

So, it sounds like a fabulous day, doesn't  it?  It was!  So, what is wrong with me?  For some reason, I had "home" on my mind all day.  Obviously, the "home" I'm referring to is Illinois.  I wasn't longing necessarily for Illinois, but I was longing for my family.  They were on my mind all day.  No matter how much fun we had, I just couldn't get them off of my mind.

One of my sisters is in Vegas right now with her husband for her best friend's wedding.  Her boys stayed in Illinois with my mom.  The baby, bless his heart, got a fever right before it was time for them to leave for their flight.  I know, if I lived there right now, I would be there helping out.  I could stay at her house and take care of her boys and ease some of the load off of my mom.  My mom loves to do it, but I could at least be there keeping her company and having some fabulous conversation.

My other sister was treated unfairly today by people who have absolutely no right to treat her any way other than kind.  When I hear this, the "mother bear" instinct in me rears its ugly head.  I want to be there to be with her and talk about it, or to somehow defend her.  She's precious and doesn't deserve snotty attitudes.

I was making my way through the outlet mall.  The breeze felt wonderful and sun was beginning to set.  I was getting a headache.  The past two days have not been good as far as my headaches are concerned; however, I am still praying and believing for a complete healing.  I have total faith that will happen.  I felt so distant.  I could literally feel the distance between myself and my family.  It hurt.  It really did.  Some of my family will be here one week from tomorrow, so I know I will see them soon, but still...

We began the drive home from the mall.  Wow!  The scenery was breathtaking.  It just blew my mind.  We began driving through the mountains at Bear Mountain State Park.  My ears were popping because we were so high up in the air!  The montains were majestic and it looked as if they were rising straight out of the Hudson. 

We stopped at a lookout point to enjoy the view.  We just wanted to take it all in!  Of course, I didn't have my camera with me, but my husband had his cell phone, so I was able to capture some beautiful photos. 

I began to feel peace.  I was staring into the sky.  The sun was setting and the colors were magnificient.  It was vast and I felt so small.  I felt like the Lord put me there just at that time.  He knows what I need to make me feel rested and at peace. 
This may sound silly, but all I could think of was the cartoon 'An American Tail.'  I loved that cartoon.  My favorite part was when the song "Somewhere Out There" was played. 
The words, "And even though I know how very far apart we are, it helps to think we might be wishing on the same bright start.  And when the night winds start to sing a lonesome lullabye, it helps to think we're sleeping underneath the same big sky," are, in my opinion, the most meaningful words in the song.

I smiled.  Yes, the distance between us is great, but so is the love.  It's a cord that can't be broken.  It wouldn't matter if I lived a zillion miles away.  We are all still sleeping underneath the same big sky!

After we took some pictures and got some ice cream (There just happened to be an ice cream truck there because the driver stopped to take pictures as well...lucky us!), we got into the car to finish our drive home.

I was all better.  My heart was peaceful and I was able to relfect on my day, smile, and thank the Lord for my blessings. 

Day 34

Something funny occured to me today.  I just had to share it.

While living in Illinois, I would go days without wearing any makeup.  I do not work outside the home, so I would run all of my errands with my hair in a ponytail and no makeup on.  It can be a scary sight.  Sometimes I would scare myself as I passed by a mirror at Wal Mart.  Still, I continued to go makeup-less.

A couple of weeks before our move, I was talking to my sister about it.  I said, "Great, we're moving, so I'll have to start trying to look good.  I'll have to put makeup on before I got out to do my errands." 
My sister replied, "But that wouldn't be you."  Then, she went on to say, "I remember seeing you at the mall this past winter.  I was there with my friends for a playgroup for our kids.  I saw you, coming in the distance, with your crazy hair, no makeup, and these awful snow boots with your jeans tucked into them.  Your snow boots weren't even cute!  They were horrible.  You were out shopping at the mall like that!  That is who you are."

I laughed and said, "Are my snow boots that awful?" 
She said, "Yes, they are awful!"

She's right.  They are horribly ugly snow boots; however, they are the warmest boots I could find.  I hate having cold feet.  If my feet are cold, then my whole body is cold.  So, even though they get some crazy stares, I wear my boots when there is snow on the ground. 

Why did I think that just because I was moving that I would have to look "pretty" every time I left the house?  I guess it's because I was, even as an adult, hoping to "fit in" and be accepted.  I thought if I wore makeup and had my hair fixed when I left the house, then surely I would make friends more easily.

It never happened.  I didn't change.  This morning, I took my son to summer camp, and then I had to run to the bakery and to Target.  I had on black cotton shorts that I've had for many, many years, and the t-shirt that I slept in.  My hair...you guessed it:  it was in a ponytail.  My face had nothing on it but sunscreen.

Every time I get ready to go run errands and I look in the mirror, I think, "Maybe I should get some makeup on and look more "presentable."  Then, I just walk out the door.  I just don't feel like it's worth the effort. 
I hope makeup isn't the deciding factor on how many friends I have! 
I remember what my sister said to me when I had the converstaion with her before we moved away.  She was right. 

I'll tell you my real secret.  I will tell you the "real" reason I save my makeup wearing for things other than simple errands. 
I will go three or four days without it.  Then, one day, I put my makeup on...the full face!  I put on the powder and mineral veil, my bronzer and blush and eyeshadow and liner.  Then, my favorite...the mascara! 
Finally, I'm done applying.  I look in the mirror.  I think, "Wow!  Heather, you really clean up nicely!"  I feel like I look so pretty!!  That's what days without makeup does to you!  You put it on, and you feel like a new woman!

Every girl needs to feel like a "new woman" every now and then!