Day 37

I am at a standstill:  What exactly am I supposed to do with my life?

I'm 35-years-old.  That questions sounds like something a teenager would ask.  I find myself asking it, over and over again. 

I majored in English and minored in secondary education.  I taught high school English for four years.  Then, my second child was born, and I decided to stay at home full-time.  I have cherished every single second of it.  I love getting the kids off to school, and being home when they return.  If they get sick at school and need me they call and I am right there to pick them up.  On snow days, we just sleep in and enjoy hanging out all day. 
My family IS my job!  It is the best job in the world.  I have no doubts about that.

When the school year begins, I will have a senior in high school and a first grader. 

Do I continue to stay home?  Although my kids are in school all day, there remains an endless list of things that need to be done around the house.  In addition, I will volunteer in the schools, just as I did last year.

Do I find a job?  If so, do I look for a full-time job, a part-time job, or a job that I can do only when it is convenient, such as substitute teaching.

Do I spend my time volunteering?  There are schools, homeless shelters,  nursing homes, pet shelters, and countless other opportunities.  I love people, and I know it would give me pleasure to do this type of work.

Do I write?  I have always wanted to write a book.  I have written so many poems and stories.  I have lots of ideas that are always spinning around in my mind.  Do I actively try to pursue this?

Before I proceed, I must admit that I realize I am blessed to be able to decide which direction my life should take.  I am currently not working a full-time job.  I have no income at this time.  So, I am able to really focus on what I would like to do.
What would I love?  Where would I thrive?  What would most benefit my family.  They are, and always will be, my first priority.  Nothing, with the exception of God Himself, will ever come before my husband and my children.

I was sitting outside today as my son was playing.  It was hot.  I was staring down at the pond.  The tall trees were swaying in the breeze.  I  could hear the loud bullfrogs in the pond and the beautiful songs of the various types of birds around me. 

I began to pray out loud,  "Lord, please show me what to do.  Please lead me.  Proverbs 3:5 says that if I trust in You with all of my heart and do not rely on my own understanding, and if I acknowledge you in all of my ways then you will direct my path.  Lord, my path needs directed.  I don't even feel like I'm on a path.  My path is "blank."  What can I do, Lord?"
Then, I stopped and continued to observe the nature all around me. 

I heard, "Be still."

That is all I needed to hear.  It made perfect sense to me. 
I am impatient.  We have only lived here for 37 days.  I expect friends beating down my door to hang out and to be completely settled and invloved in a church and to be completely immersed and thriving in our new community. 
I have this picture in my head of exactly how everything should be.  When will I learn that my way is not the perfect way? 
My husband loves is job and my children are loving their new home, activities and friends.  I've been unsure of my next step.

I'm convinced God is giving me time to "be still."  If I feel lonely, discouraged, or confused, I need find a place outside, get out my Bible, and read and search and soak it all up.  I have to take this time to "be still" because that is what I have been directed to do.
This is not easy for me, but I'm  not looking for easy.
I'm looking to grow.