Day 23

I realized, today, when I get the most uncomfortable, homesick, and sad...believe it or not, it is the grocery store.
I never gave much thought to grocery shopping.  It's something I have done every single week for the last 18 years of my life.  I don't dislike it.  I actually enjoy the process of shopping for our groceries.  I never really gave much thought to the people in the grocery store, until now.
In Illinois, if we were in a hurry to get somewhere, but needed something from the store, my husband would ask to go in and get what we needed because he knew I would see someone I knew and stand and talk.  It's the way it always was. 
In Illinois, I usually shopped at Wal Mart and Kroger.  I knew, or was familiar with, many of the employees at both stores.  I always received a smile upon arriving.  Usually, within the first five or so minutes of my shopping trip, I would run into someone I knew, or an employee that I saw each week, and the conversations would begin.  It was always nice to run into someone at the store that I hadn't seen in years. 
Again, this is all something that I hadn't really thought about before.  It was just "how it was."

Today, day 23, was "grocery day."  Upon entering, I could feel my blood pressure rising.  I felt myself getting stressed.  I felt like my cart was in everyone's way.  
I felt like an alien on another planet.  I hated that feeling.
As I continued to put groceries in my cart, I continued to stress.  I almost wanted to sceram...or cry.  I was determined to just get my groceries and get the heck out of there.  But, why??

I got home and went outside for awhile.  I started to ponder the situation.  Then, it hit me:  it's the PEOPLE!
I am a "people person!"  I go into the store, and I don't see a famliar face.  No matter where I go, I don't see one single solitary person that I know...or even sort of know!  Sometimes when I smile at people, they look at me like I'm nuts.  When I say, "Hi" to them, they REALLY look at me like I'm nuts! 

It becomes easy for me, at times like I described, to miss my comfort zone.  I miss familiarity.  I miss the faces, landmarks, and even the smells from "home."  I believe being completely removed from your comfort zone puts you in a "fragile" state.  You "feel" like people are looking at you like you're crazy.  You feel like you are in everyone's way.  You feel like an alien; however, none of that is really true. 

I am looking forward to the day when I am strolling through the grocery store and I see a familiar face!  Just thinking about that makes me smile; I know it'll happen...it's just a matter of time. 

Eventually, this will be my "comfort zone."  My actual house, my home, already feels like that.  It's a retreat.  I drive around the city, get lost, have people honking at me, etc...Then, I get home, and I feel better.  It's my sanctuary.  This will all get better, it will just take time.  I keep telling myself that, "patience is a virtue!" 

My daughter and her grandma had an exciting day!  They went to Richard Gere's restaurant.  They said it was fabulous.  Then, they drove by the Clinton's house.  Who knew they lived so close?  Then, they just explored our city for awhile.  In the evening, they cooked us a delicious dinner of chicken enchiladas and rice.  It was quite a treat!

Before dinner I went for a walk.  I ran into my neighbor.  We have only spoke a couple of times, but she is very sweet and wise.  She was married for 48 years to a wonderful man.  They had three children and they raised them all in the house she is in now.  Today marked the six week anniversary of his death.  She was explaining to me that she feels like part of her is gone.  She is only half of a
person now.  When she goes out around town, she is missing her "other half." 
I can't even imagine that.  I can't fathom it.  How do you recover from that?

I go in public and I just feel lonely or ignored; however, I come home to my husband who loves me and laughs with me and takes care of me.  I wake up with him and go to bed with him and it's been like that for 17 years.  She goes out, feels lonely and cracked in half, and goes home to an empty house. 
There is really no comparison to our situations.

As I've said so many times, I pray that the Lord will lead and guide every step I take and every word I say.  I usually never take the mail down to the mailboxes.  My son always does that for me; however, tonight, right before dinner was ready, I decided to go put mail in the mailbox to be picked up tomorrow.  There was my neighbor in her front yard, and there was our predestiined meeting. 

I stood in the lane talking to her for an hour.  I missed dinner.  Luckily, they saved me a big plate of enchiladas!  We exchaged emotions and stories.  We are two women, struggling with similar emotions stemming from completely different situations. 

I walked home and while eating my dinner I realized while I was placed in her path tonight.  YES, being lonely in a grocery store is uncomfortable.  It really stinks.  BUT, I come back home to my loving family.  I am really never ALONE.  The Lord is with me in that grocery store, and every other place I go.  The Bible says He will not leave me or forsake me. 

I know that just as He helps me get through each day, He is also helping my neighbor.  He'll help her feel "complete" again. 

In the end, after spending an hour with her, my pity party was over. 
It was another answered prayer.