My relationship with food is a complicated one. It just may be the most complicated relationship I have ever had, currently have, or ever will have.
If food were a person, our relationship would probably be described as a love/hate relationship. Some days, we would laugh all day long. We would enjoy each other's company and savor each second we were able to spend together. Other days we would barely be able to be in the same room. We would disagree on everything. We would bicker and yell. We would swear that we were through. Then...gulit.
Does anyone else feel this way?
Up until my first pregancy my weight never got above 103. That just seemed to be the magic number. I never worried about my weight. I never really thought about sugar, calories, fat grams, carbs, or anythig of the sort. If it tasted delicious, then that's what I wanted. Big Macs...I'll take two, please! Taco Bell...I'll take six tacos, thank you very much! McDonalds? Yes, and supersize it!
I do remember, certain times through my teenage years, wishing that my butt was smaller; however, that seems absurd to me now. How could I have weighed 100 pounds and had a big butt?
My appetite has always been one of enormous proportions! I have always been able to eat more than my entire family, with the exception of my dad. Still, it is not abnormal for me to eat more than my husband, and he is 6 ft 4 and weighs over 200 pounds. I am only 5 ft. 2.
I love food so much, and I hate it just as much!
It wasn't until my first pregnancy that I realized how much weight my small frame was able to pack on. I gained a whopping 60 pounds while pregnant with my daughter! I had never seen such a body transformation! During those nine months, if it wasn't super glued down, I ate it. I ate morning, noon and night. I ate fast food, fried food, lots of candy, and massive amounts of pizza. I couldn't get enough.
Luckily, I was young and still had the metabolism of a racehorse. That weight came off pretty easily.
I do believe, however, that gaining that much weight in such a short amount of time screwed my metabolism up...royally. After my pregancy, I no longer could just eat anything I felt like eating. If I did, then I would gain weight. What was I to do? I loved food so much! It made me so happy...almost elated! When I knew I was going to a favorite restaurant or preparing to indulge on one of my favorite meals I would begin to experience pure joy.
Throughout the past 17 years I have ranged anywhere from a size 0 to a size 12! I have tried all the fad diets or "lifestyles." I have counted calories, counted fat grams, ate all low fat, and ate a lot of high fat. I have tried Weight Watchers, South Beach Diet, Paleo, and the list could go on and on and on.
I had serious issues with all of these.
I definitely believe that exercise plays a large role in weight loss and maintaining weight loss; however, I am convinced that diet plays the larger role. I have the whole "exercise thing" down, but I cannot figure out my food issue. Why do I love it so much?
It'll be late morning and I'll feel my stomach growl for the first time. I get excited! I start to think, "What should I have for lunch today?" Then, I start to picture it in my mind and my next question I ask myself is, "Should I have a diet drink with it...maybe a diet coke or a diet mtn. dew?" The thought of that really gets me pumped up!
The bottom line is this: I love food. Yes, it makes me happy. Even so, I don't think it's due to emotional problems or anything like that. I watch The Biggest Loser and Heavy, and these people love food so much and the coaches and counselors always trace it back to something they have experienced in life. Mine isn't traceable. I just love food and love to eat. I love to try new foods. Obviously, I even love to talk about food!
What I don't love about food is the way it makes me feel each time I overeat. I'm not talking about how my stomach feels; I'm referring to the guilt that I feel. Then I get angry at myself for feeling guilty.
This is absurd! I exercise and I am not everweight. I am sure there are some people who think I could stand to lose a few pounds, and there may even be others who think I should gain a few. To that, I say, "You can't please them all!" So, what am I to do with the food issue?
I do know one thing about myself that will never change. I will never deny myself food that I love. You only live once, people. If your taste buds are cheering you on as you have a little of something you love, then by all means...EAT IT!
When my children want ice cream or another sort of treat, I will not say to them, "I'll get you one, but I'm not eating that." I want to enjoy these simple treats with my kids.
When I entertain guests or plan a night out, you can count on food being served! Food brings people together! Food makes them happy!
Yes, my relationship with food is complicated. I hate it because I love it so much, which creates gulit, which then leads to anger for feeling guilty about something so trivial.
Lately, I have been calling my new diet, "The Moderation Diet." It seems to be working quite well. I eat what I want in moderation. This diet is probably very familiar to a lot of people, but it is very new to me. I still eat what some would consider "very healthy" for the most part; however, others would see what I eat and they would be mortified. Again...You can't please them all!
I am trying to eat smaller portions. I have the pizza I crave; I just have one or two pieces instead of a medium pizza.
Fast food, fried food, and lots of sugar are still seldom. I eat them if I'm having a huge craving, but other than that, I do try to avoid them. I will continue to exercise, but honestly, I like the mental benefits to exercise more than the physical.
One more thing...I threw my scale out. I refuse to weigh. The only time I will know my weight is if I have to go to the doctor's office. Other than that, I will just have to judge by whether or not my pants are tight. I refuse to be controlled by a scale.
I want to be healthy. I think I'll actually call my new diet, "The Staying Healthy Everything In Moderation Diet." I'll just refer to it as "MOD" for short.
Enough about food and the love I have for it.
You know what time it is? You guessed it! It's time for me to go start getting dinner ready! Oh, the word "dinnertime!" It's music to my ears!
you are too funny!!! i am seriously entertained by your blogs!
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