It's easy to recall the feeding habits and schedules of my children as babies. I had certain vegetables and regimens that I was determined to abide by, and they had other ideas. I aimed for meat and vegetables first, fruit second, and little to no extra sugar. Well, my children soon realized that peaches were sweeter than broccoli and popsicles made them much happier than peas. To an extent, I had to let go. I was forced to let them decide for themselves that they liked and disliked. Obviously, I had the final say; however, it was the beginning of the "pulling away" process.
My husband and I spent countless minutes with our babies taking steps in between our legs as they firmly gripped our fingers. They relied on us as they slowly put one foot in front of the other. Without us, not even a single step was possible. Then, all of the sudden, the child that was looking up at us while doing a death grip on our fingers...let go, and walked away. Then, the real fun began...
Elementary school brings a plethora of "letting go" events. We have to, for the first time, allow them to spend the night away from home with a friend. They will travel on a bus to field trips to unfamiliar places with people that we really don't know. They choose the sort of friends they are interested in having. When the parent comes to a busy street and reaches out to take the child's hand...forget it. The child does not want to hold the parent's hand in public. Yet again we, as parents, have to let go. It's all part of the process.
Junior High is in a league all of its own. The child that once made his or her parents
feel adored, now makes them feel useless and unappreciated. Cuddling? That doesn't happen often. Do you want to hug them in public? I hope not! You have to let that go.
Once the child enters high school, he or she is gaining a sense of who he or she is. The child is more confident, therefore he or she can "let" the parents in a bit more. Still, the divide widens. Simultaneous with the widening gap is the "tick tock" of the clock. Time is ticking. It seems to be going faster than before. The child now spends a vast majority of time out of parental supervision. Yes, the parent wants them to stay home and have family movie night. The child wants that too, occasionally; however, these kids enjoy their freedom. They turn 16, obtain a license, and they're off! I remember thinking to myself when my daughter turned 16, "How will I ever be able to let her drive alone...without me in the car with her?" That was another time I was forced to let go, and I watched her drive away.
Still, even with all of the "letting go" at each of these stages, the parent still makes the rules and expects them to be followed. If not, there are consequences, most of which, will be dealt with at home with no lasting effects. The parents sets curfews and rules that the teen knows he or she must follow or else life will cease to be exciting for him or her.
Just when the parent smiles and says, "I think I'm finally getting this parenting thing down," another "letting go" stage occurs. This makes all the other stages pale in comparison. In my life at the moment, I simply refer to this stage as, "college." In this letting go process, we have to hope, pray and believe that we have "let go" in all the right places and "held on tightly" in the others, for the past 18 years. We pray, at this stage, our children use discernment and conduct their lives as they've been taught, because the consequences they face are no longer being grounded or having car keys taken away. The consequences they face now, as "adults," could effect their young lives forever.
Curfews no longer exist. We no longer meet every single friend. We do not have a relationship with any of the teachers. They receive medical care and we are not informed. We don't know when they go to bed, or when they get up and begin their day.
This is all "letting go" in ways that I am completely unfamiliar with. I'm having great difficulty trying to fathom it.
The sum of my feelings is this: My daughter takes up a vast part of my heart. For 18 years I have poured myself into this human being. I've made so many mistakes that I pray haven't scarred her, but I've also given her the best of me. Being "her mom" is an honorable calling, and I have fulfilled it to the very best of my ability. When I drive away from her college, how will my heart continue to beat when I've left such of a massive piece of it there?
As I recently shared my feelings with my husband, he hugged me and said, "It will." He's right. As difficult as it will be to no longer live in the same house as my child, we will adjust.
I am the extremely proud mom of a college student. My baby bird is flying away. It makes me smile to think about it. She'll soar, succeed, and make so many positive changes in the world. I have to let her go...
Although, as parents, do we ever really "let go?" I certainly don't think so.
