Days 126-136 MY GIRL

I am blessed to share my life with the most amazing and unique girl ever to inhabit this earth.  She is apectacular in so many ways.   The first thing most people notice is her outward beauty.  Then, they get to know this girl, and they are amazed to discover that her inner beauty exceeds her gorgeous exterior.  She is smart, capable, genuine and, honestly, one of the funniest girls I have ever encountered.  Who is this fabulous girl?

She is my daughter. 

My daughter was born, "mature."  My husbad and I were very young when she was born, and we never "baby talked" to her.  We spoke to her just as she was "one of us."  My husband and I were in college.  We had many late nights studying and preparing for our college courses.  Our daughter stayed up with us and colored, drew pictures, played Barbies, and then we would all three go to bed late into the night.  Yes, looking back now, we probaby should have put her to bed at a normal bedtime, but she just hung out with us, and it was comforting and wonderful.

She was the cutest little blonde, blue-eyed, story-telling toddler.  She was so creative.  She loved glue sticks, construction paper, colored feathers and cotton balls and popsicle sticks.  She would sit for hours and make the most amazing crafts.  She enjoyed playing with friends and loved family time in our tiny apartment.

As an elementary aged girl she was smart, bold and sassy.  She wanted to wear sparkly belts, jeans and sweaters.  She had leopard print boots.  She enjoyed American Girl dolls and Barbies.  She would spend lots of time organizing her Barbie houses.  My husband and I both played this with her often.  I'd love to have a calculation of the number of hours we spent playing, "dollhouse," as she often referred to it.  My mom, sisters and I would take my daughter on shopping trips, and it wasn't difficult at all.  It was pure joy.  She was "one of the girls.

In jr. high my girl really began to establish a love for sports.  She played volleyball, travel softball, and basketball.  She also played the trumpet and was a fabulous saxophone player.  My husband and I loved watching her play sports and perform in concerts.  By then, we had our son, and he woud travel with us to all of her games.  She was a smart and capable student who cared about her academics.   The Barbies, dollhouse, and American Girl dolls were all stored away.  They made room for sports equipment, makeup, cool clothes, and friends.  I was proud that my girl was growing up. 

High school began!  Whoa!  There are vast differences between jr. high and high school.  Football games, friends, and "going out" replaced most of the sports equipment and time at home.  Evetually my girl decided to put sports on hold and join clubs at school and beyond.  She was in the Community Service Club, volunteered at the Special Olympics, was VP of her class, volunteered at a local nursing home, and volunteered at a large hospital in our town.  At this time, she began to realize that she needed to completely turn her life over to God.  There are so many distractions and negative influences in a teenagers life.  Ultimately, it is the teens decison to take part in these distractions, or deny them.  My girl wanted nothing to do with them.  It didn't matter if it cost her friends or popularity.  She didn't care one bit about that; however, she did care about her classmates and wanted them to feel the peace that she felt each day simply because she chose to put her trust in Jesus. 
She went to the administration at her public school.  She wanted to start a Bible study for her classmates, once per month.  It would be completely voluntary, and could be held during a free period.  The administration told her they would have to "look into it."
They called her in a week later and gave her the green light!  She prepared her Bible study, prayed about it, and nervously went into the classroom to begin her first study.  She didn't know if anyone would show up.  I told her, "If only one person comes to your Bible study, then it was worth it."
That day, 60 students crowded into a little room to hear my girl share her love for Jesus Christ.  At the end, they all got in a circle, took their neighbor's hand, and she prayed.
As a parent, my cup runneth over...

My girl started her senior year in a brand new school, because we moved here to NY in June.  My heart broke for her.  How would I have reacted if my parents had told me that we were moving my senior year? 
My girl has amazed me every single day.  Many times since our move, she has picked me up because I had "fallen."  She has transitioned beautifully.  She has made connections with the most unbelievable girls I have ever met.  They love her, and she loves them dearly.  She tried out for the varsity volleyball team, and made it.  We have enojoyed watching her play once again.  Now that her brother is older, he sits, eats popcorn, and watches the scoreboard closely.  The other night, it was a close game, and when we finally won,  his gigantic smile was priceless.  He was so proud of his big sister.  He idolizes her.  Their relationship is so special because there is a ten year difference between their ages.  She takes care of him, loves him, almost like he is her own son, and guards him.  She protects her brother!   If ayone talks negatively about him, or even looks at him hatefully, that person will feel the wrath of my girl!

My girl has been filling out college applications, writing college essays, researching colleges, and thinking about college choices.  It is something we discuss and plan for on a daily basis lately.  Deadlines are coming, and we have to meet them.  We have been so busy planning and researching.  It has been all-consuming lately.

Last night, something strange happened.  I had been upstairs in my girl's room looking over college information.  She was stressed and I was stressed and we decided to take a break for awhile, go to bed, and begin again the next day.  I came downstairs and sit down next to my husband.  All of the sudden, tears began to flow.  They came out of nowhere, so my husband was shocked.  He said, "What is wrong?"
I began to explain.  Ok.  It hit me.  I've been so busy thinking about college, college essays, college appications and college programs, that I have failed to think about the fact that my girl going to college means that she will no longer be living with us.  Our lives, yet again, will change drastically in about nine months.  I have thought about this in the past, but it seemed so distant.  I just felt like I had more time, but time flies, and there is nothing we can do to slow it.
My girl, my sweet blonde-hair, blue-eyed, sassy and unique girl will live elsewhere in about nine months.  No more arguments, backtalk, eye rolling, door slamming or messes.  No more daily hugs, talks, laughs, nightly dinners, high school sports, Saturday morning doughnuts, or the comfort of going to bed each night knowing she was safely sleeping two doors down the hallway from me.

My mom says that I will be fine.  I will.  I'm tough, and so is my girl, but how fast this milestone in our lives arrived.  It seems like only yesterday we were sitting in her room.  She had pigtails and a sparkly outfit on, and we were playing dollhouse.  Honestly, at that time, I believed that would last forever.  I think it is something that, as parents, we separate ourselves from.  Who wants to think about that?

I don't know why this has overwhelmed me all of the sudden.  My husband and I are giving her more freedom, which means more responsibility.  She has to be ready to "fly away" and be successful.  We won't be there to remind her each day to do certain things or meet certain deadlines.  It will be solely her responsibility.  I know she will exceed my expectations, because she always does.

Our children don't belong to us; they belong to God.  They are His children that He has trusted us with to raise, love, educate, and, more importantly, share Him and His love and grace and message with them.  Time is ticking.  Did I do my job?  Did I do all that I could?  Did I play enough games, spend enough time, teach her about life...the good and the bad? 

I know my girl knows that I love her unconditionally.  My love for her grows more deeply every day.  She is my sunshine on a cloudy day.  I look into her eyes, and I see myself, only so much better!  She is my precious daughter, and this time next year, she will be away at college, studying and learning and living independantly.  I am proud of my girl.  I admire her strength.  She is becoming a woman of integrity.  She is becoming...a woman.   She is no longer the pig-tailed toddler who came to me for her every need and want.  Our relationship has changed and grown throughout the years.  She blesses me beyond measure.

Some of my readers have young chilren.  I know they can be exhausting to raise!  It's easy to think, "It'll be so much easier when they're walking!  It'll be less difficult when they can talk!  Everything will get better when they start school!"  Obviously, that, to some extent is true, but I can say this with certainly, "It is not easier when it is time for them to leave."

Other readers have young men and women living with you, and they will be "leaving the nest" this year or next.  You "get" what I'm saying.  You've been there.  You know, firsthand, how cruel time can be sometimes.  It just flies, and life must go on.

I know my girl is ready.  She is tough, saavy, honest and filled with God's love.  She is my warrior princess/hippie.  My girl is unique and strong.  I will cherish the end of her senior year, and celebrate with her as she moves on to pursue her education so that she is prepared to go out into this world and soar!

I want to end with a quote by Erich Fromm. 
"The mother-child relationship is paradoxical and, in a sense, tragic.  It requires the most intense love on the mother's side, yet this very love must help the child grow away from the mother, and to become fully independent.

Days 121-125 Random Thoughts

 On March 29. 2011, I was getting preparing to celebrate my 35th birthday.  I was also preparing to move across the country.  I was having a "day."  All of these random thoughts from nearly  35 years were encompassing my mind.  I was filled with a plethora of random ideas, fears, hopes and dreams.  I decided to post them in a Note on facebook. I'm not sure why.  I guess I sort of wonder if other people feel the same way that I feel or if they have the same random thoughts and ideas that I have.  I am a very open person, so sharing my thoughts and feelings doesn't make at all apprehensive.
I am resharing my facebook Note in my blog, but a few things have changed.  These things have changed because I have changed.  It has been just over six months since my facebook Note, and my life has changed in great magnitudes in that time. 

• Kindly speak your mind.  Even when someone comes at you with rage, your stance will be heard and responded to if you are kind.
• Go without makeup.  Run errands and spend days with no make up on.  It is humbling.  Even if all of the other moms go to the grocery store looking as if they are heading out to do a photoshoot for Fit Magazine, you don't have to.  We all look the same first thing in the morning.  Sometimes it's just nice to stay that way all day.
• Embrace your age.  Love your body. I would love to be about 5ft. 9in. tall.  I'm not and I never will be.  Unfortunatley, it took me over thirty years to accept that fact.
• .Love people more than anything else.  There are so many lonely people, but we don't make the time to realize it and reach out to them.  Since we have moved, this point speaks volumes, because I have actually been that lonely person.  In the beginning, if more people would have reached out to me and said a kind word or welcomed me to the community, the transition would have been vastly different and easier
• Forgive.  It is so hard to really forgive when someone hurts us physically or emotionally.  Forgiving is the most freeing thing you can do for yourself.  Plus, the Bible speaks so plainly on the subject.  We HAVE to forgive others, and ourselves.
• Don't let your past dictate your future.  This has taken me SO long...way too long, to figure out.  I was a rebellious youth, a teen mom, and a very insecure person.  For years, I worked so hard to make up for all of that.  I spent countless hours trying to prove how "smart" I was and that i WAS "good enough."  I was letting my past define me.  I am way beyond just "good enough."  I am a child of the King! 
• I am all about having good clean fun.  Laughter really is medicine.  Since my c-section seven years ago, I've been know to laugh so hard that I pee my pants.  I am totally ok with that. :) 
• Age really is just a number.  I have always loved birthdays and I celebrate them with a passion.  I put my heart into every birthday that I plan for my husband and my children, and even for myself.  I don't mind at all to throw myself a big birthday party.  Another year of life is worth celebrating!
• Cherish every age and stage your child goes through.  Most of my friends have babies, toddlers, and elementary aged kids.  My oldest child will be heading to college in only a year.  I remember, vividly, giving birth to her as if it were only yesterday.  Where did all of those years go?  I don't know where they went, but I do know that I can't even get one single second of them back.  Do not rush them to walk, talk, start school, etc...just savor every moment of parenthood.
• All of this is opinion, but I have to say that, in my opinion, my kids are brilliant and amazing.  I do not take for granted the fact that I am blessed beyond measure.  The joy they bring into my life is something that words just cannot express.  They have moved across the country, and created these new lives for themselves.  It has not been easy.  They knew not one person when we arrived.  A week ago, my daughter had sixteen friends over for pizza and is thriving in activities and extra curriculars.  My son is making friends and enjoying amazing adventures.  He was invited to a birthday party today, and he can't even think of who the kid is, but this kid knows my son, and invited him!  Due to the move we have given our children something very valuable.  They have been given the ablity to adapt in new and extremely challenging situations.  They can be separated from their "comfort zones" and be successful.  I can't begin to describe how proud I am of my kids. 
• Make time for your spouse.  Make your husband or wife feel like they are the king or queen of the world.  Laugh with them and just enjoy life together...the good and the bad.  The bond between a husband and a wife is miraculous.  I thank God every day for my husband of 17 years..  He is a true blessing and a huge source of strength for me.
• I admit it:  My parents are, and always have been RIGHT.  Now that I'm adult, if I am stressed, my dad will call me and give me a scripture verse to reflect upon or words of encouragement, and the stress fades.  I tell my mom that she is my "medicine."  All she has to do is listen to me, and it's like I've received a big dose of medicine!
• I pray we are raising our children to have a passion for Jesus, and that they will love Him with their whole hearts and share His love with others. 
• I pray we have taught our kids kindness.  I want to have the type of kids that will go out of their way to befriend the friendless.  I know that they both fully see the importance of this now, because when we moved they "were" the friendless.  Kind young people reached out to them and got to know them.  They have wonderful friends now that, only six months ago, they weren't even aware of.
• When it is time for my kids to leave the "nest," I pray they will fly with the strongest wings possible, and they will soar like eagles.  I pray, at that time, that I am strong enough to be ok with the fact that they will no longer be living with me.  I realize that at this time next year, I will actually be living this, since my daughter will be in college.   They may be called to serve the Lord and the world in a country far away from here.  If that is the case, I will be proud that I contributed to their independence, and I will be incredibly thankful for technology.
• I am still learning that I just can't control everything.  I have to hand the reigns of my life over to my Maker.
• I have learned who my true friends are and what makes a friend.  It has been a hard lesson, but I am conforted believing that some people come into our lives for a reason, some for a season, and some for a lifetime.  Even my "reason" and "season" friends have been true gifts.  Some were put into my life for a reason:  to teach me something or help me along.  Others were put into my life for a season:  They were here only for a season.  They were beautiful seasons, but as we know, seasons come and go, and we just have to be ok with that.  Other friends are here for a lifetime.  I praise my Lord for my lifetime friends.
• I know one day I will win my battle with anxiety.  I have come such a long way and I give God and my family all the credit for helping me with this fight.  I believe that one day this will no longer be an issue in my life at all.  Until that day, I will "baby step" my way through and learn and grow from every struggle I have concerning anxiety.  Recently, I read a quote and it really hit home with me.  "Anxiety is like a rocking chair.  It gives you something to do, but it never gets you anywhere."  I have things to do.  I don't have time to not "get anywhere." 
• Physical exercise is important for health reasons, but it should never be #1, or even #2 or 3.  I have learned to be very careful with obsessions, whatever they may be.
• As I am getting "older," I am noticing lots of fine lines around my eyes.  I'm not sure how I feel about that.  I am also getting a line between my eyes.  I like the way my face looks when I lift up on my forehead or eyes and "viola!"  It looks as if I've had an instant face lift!  My wise mother would say, "Thank God you have eyes that can see.  Who cares if you have a few wrinkles around them!"
• I love my computer because I am in constant contact with people.  I love people and sharing and receiving ideas with them.  I have noticed that relationships that I had with some people from Illinois have actually strenghened since our move.  This is due to the computer.  We have made an effort to skype and contact through facebook and email. 
• I am a firm believer that "things" do not make people happy.  Things definitely create temporary happiness, which is nice "temporarily," but I believe we should be focusing more on long term happiness.  People are the key.
• I disagree with sugar coating things for our children.  Life is hard.  The sooner they realize that, the sooner they will be able to adjust and live successfully.
• My sisters are precious gifts from God.  They are built-in best friends for life.
• I respect the fact that life is fragile and so beautiful.  Never, ever avoid telling someone how you feel about them.  If you have the urge to say, "I love you," then just say it!!  If you feel like hugging someone, then hug them!  I love giving hugs.  I have, since our move, given hugs to people who are complete strangers, but they were so kind to me, so I felt like I had to hug them.
• I think sometimes we come to a place in our lives where the situation we are dealing with is just way too big.  We have to either trust God completely, or just fall flat on our faces.  I feel that I am in this place right now and I am determined to seek His face so that He can guide me as I continue to adjust and thrive on the new endeavor, which is our move.
• My husband often says, "Two different people can have the exact same day, but their perspective means everything.  Person A reports the day was "awful."  They feel this way simply because nothing "great " happened.  Person B reports a "good" day.  They feel this way simply because nothing "horrible" happened.  It's all a matter of perspective."  I am working hard to take on his perspective.  Unfortunately, I have been guilty of having a bad day, or a bad event in my life, and I equate that to having a "bad life."  That is absurd, and it pains me that I have actually done that.
•   I worried about our move.  My heart broke when I said "goodbye" to the people and places and things that I loved.  I ached ponering the idea that my children's lives were getting ready to be turned upside down for awhile.  Would they be ok?   I feared that I couldn't handle it.  I doubted my ability to adjust or even function outside of my "comfort zone"  I have never struggled to such a degree in my entire life.  I  have had some of my lowest moments here.  I have literally, many times, collapsed to the floor after the kids go to bed and sobbed, for hours.  My husband has not left my side during those times.  He comforts me and encourages me.  The sobs are so deep and so great that it hurts everywhere.  I have felt alone.  I have felt unwelcomed.  I have felt like an alien on another planet.  Then, I became determined to "live life."  I had to get out there and do my  part.  I couldn't succeed in my new environment if I stayed in the house.  I began living again.  I am meeting people.  I have met so many interesting people from all over the country.  Their stories and experiences inspire me.  I still have bad days like everyone else.  I still cry sometime, just like everyone else.  The deep, painful sobs are gone.  I have grown and it makes me proud.  I was...I am, capeable of so much more than I ever imagined. 
• I do not feel that I have simply, "moved."  I feel like I have been "planted."  I plan to bloom brightly.
• I have several verses I'd like to share:
• If God be for me, who can be against me??  Romans 8:31
• I will be strong and vigorous and very courageous.  I will not be afraid, neither will I be dismayed, for the Lord my God is with me wherever I go.  He never rejects me but He promises to be with me always.  Joshua 1:9 and Matthew 28:20
• My worrying and being anxious will not add one unit of measure to my stature or to the span of my life.  Matthew 6:2,5
• My children fear the Lord and keep all His statutes and commandments.  They love the Lord with all their mind and heart and their entire being and with all their might.  Deuteronomy 6:2,5
• My children make right choices according to the Word of God.  Isaiah 54:13
• I am not controlled by what people think of me.  As long as God is satisfied with me , then I am satisfied.  1 Corinthians 4:3-4
• God is my sheild, my glory and the lifter of my head.  Psalm 3:3
• The thief comes only in order to steal and kill and destroy.  But Jesus came that I may have and enjoy life and have it in abundance.  John 10:10
• When I feel hurt and brokenhearted God binds up my wounds and cures my pain and sorrow.  Psalm 147:3
• God will cover me with His wings; I will be safe in His care; His faithfulness will protect and defend me.  I need not fear any danger at ight or sudden attacks during the day.  Psalm 91:4-5
• My light shall break forth like the morning, and my healing shall spring forth speedily.  Isaiah 58:8
• I am one of God's sheep and His sheep hear His voice.  John 10:27
• You are my God; teach me to do Your will.  Be good to me,a nd guide me on a safe path.  Rescue me, Lord, as you have promised; in Your goodness save me from my troubles.  Psalm 143: 10-11
• I fear not, for God is with me; I am not dismayed, for He is my God.  He will strengthen me, yes, He will help me;  He will uphold me with His righteous right hand.  Isaiah 41:10
• I can do anything God asks me to with the help of Christ who gives me strength and power.  Philippians 4:13
• God is my refuge and strength, an everpresent help in trouble.  Psalm 46:1I am called Your name.  I humble myself, pray, seek, crave, and require of necessity Your face and turn from my wicked ways.  In doin this, You have promised to hear from heaven, forgive my sins, and heal my land.  2 Chronicles 7:14
• I am more than a conqueror through christ who loves me.  Romans 8:34
• It is God's desire that I be free from all anxiety and distressing cares.  1 Corinthians 7:32
• As I think in my heart, so am I.  Proverbs 23:7
• God has not given me a spirit of fear, but of power, love and a sound mind.  2 Timothy 1:7
• God has given me the commandment that I should love others just as He loves me.  John 13:34
• O Lord, You have searched me and know me.  You know when I sit and when I rise.  You understand mmy thoughts.  You sift and search out my path and my lying down, and You are acquainted with all my ways.  For there is not a word on my tongue, still unuttered, but, behold, O Lord, You know it altogether.  Psalm 139:1--4

Days 99-120. I Think I Finally Have It Figured Out!

It's been 21 days since my last post. There are several reasons for it. We had family visit from Illinois, which was wonderful. I have been busy with "back to school" activities and commitments. My headaches, lately, have interfered with my mood and energy level. Sadly, I just haven't been in the mood to write.


To begin, I must say that if you have never moved, you may not be able to relate to, or even begin to understand, what I am writing about. That is not meant to offend anyone; it is just a fact. Before I moved, I wouldn't have understood; however, I think I finally have it figured out. At this point you're probably wondering, "What has she figured out?"
I believe I have finally learned the true meaning of "homesick."
I have, sort of, developed my own definition. I'll explain.


The kids were out of school this past Thursday and Friday for Rosh Hashanah. My husband took Friday off of work so that we could drive to upstate NY to Lake George. We wanted to explore the lake and go to the Great Escape Six Flags amusement park. Little did I know just how much I would learn on our little getaway!

We were about two hours from where we live in NY.  We were filling up our van with gas.  A car pulled into the pump in front of our van.  My husband looked at me and said, "Look!  A Chevy Lumina!"  My mouth dropped.  I knew exactly what he meant.  He then said, "I haven't seen one of those in four months."
Wow.  Obviously, that had never ocurred to me, but I was never so thrilled to see a Chevy Lumina.  Such a familiar car...a car I didn't even realize that I had missed, or even ever noticed, until I saw one again.

We continued to drive.  My husband and I kept recognizing things we were used to back "home."  We were recognizing things in our old comfort zone.  "Look, a Toyota Tundra!  Look, a Ford F150!"  We were seeing these pickup trucks and loving it!
Finally, we saw what brought the biggest smile to all of our faces!  I yelled, "Look!  A truck with a four-wheeler in the back!"  Awesome!  My husband said, "I feel like we're back home."

We stopped again.  There it was...a truly wonderful sight:  A young girl walked into a rest stop with her dad and she was wearing a camo ballcap.  "Look!  That girl is dressed in camo!"  It was beautiful!  It was comforting!  It was enlightening!
I was really beginning to figure a few things out in my head.  I was starting to put together some pieces of a puzzle...a "homesick" puzzle.

*Again, if you've never moved to a completely different region of the country, you are probably bored right now, or thinking I have lost my mind, but, if you have, you know EXACTLY what I'm talking about!

We arrived at our hotel.  A lady there called me, "honey."  What??  Did she call me "honey?"  She used a term of endearment with me, yet she doesn't know me?  I am no longer in Westchester county!  I seriously felt like hugging her!

We went to bed that night and all of these sights and words were running through my mind.  I was somewhat confused and still trying put the pieces of the puzzle together.  I finally fell asleep.

The next morning we went to a local diner for breakfast.  We sat up at the bar.  A huge painting on the wall spoke volumes.  It wasn't frivolous. It wasn't painted from the talented hand of  a famous artist.  Still, it allowed me to continue putting the puzzle in my head together.
It said, "God is love.  1 John 4:8" 
Unbelievable.  Were we back in the midwest?  It sure did feel like it!

You see, what we have seen in our new location is total political correctness.  A scripture verse would not be hung in a restaurant.  It wouldn"t be hung anywhere!  It may offend someone who doesn't have traditional "Christian" values. 
It's all so interesting.  I have learned so much.  I have definitely learned that the way I choose to serve God is not the most popular way.  Still, I serve Him. 
It is a great responsibility and honor.

Yes, the past few weeks I have felt homesick.  But, homesick for what?
I talk to my family every single day...sometimes several times per day.  The same it true with my close friends.  We have had many visitors from home, and have more scheduled to arrive this month and next!  So, what gives??

I feel like we're adjusting.  I am really finding my way around and learning the "rules and regs" of our new location.  I am learning ways to get involved in the schools.  I am pleased, immensely, with the schools that my children attend.  The  pure adventure, fun, and outlets for knowledge that surround us thrills me. 

Well, as I said before, I believe I finally have it figured out.  The puzzle is almost complete. 
As basic, and maybe silly, as this sounds, I'm going to say it anyway.   It is my definition of "homesick."  It is the familiar, basic, and noneventful things we see every single day...the ones we don't give a second thought to because they are so commonplace, that we miss the most.  The craziest part is that we don't realize we even miss them, or what we have been longing for, until we see them agian.

A Chevy Lumina, a Toyota Tundra, a Ford F150 hauling a four-wheeler, any type of camo clothing, someone using a "term of endearment" with me, or a scripture verse painted on the wall...
Do any of you even notice these things?  I bet you don't.  I didn't either, before...

My world has changed.  Sometimes I feel like moving to NY is very similar to moving to another country.  Obviously, this wouldn't be true of every part of NY; however, living near  NYC certainly is.  Everything is fast, hurried, and blown out of proportion.  Things that are no big deal to me are made into a huge debate here.  Everything has to be voted upon.  People are very blunt.  If you are getting on their nerves, they have no problem telling you.  If you are in the grocery store, with your cart, and are taking a bit too long to decided on what brand of peanut butter you want, they have no problem saying, "What are you waiting for?  A green light?"  (I speak from personal experience!)
They call tennis shoes, sneakers.  They call sauce for pasta, gravy.  They call pop, soda.  They call pizzas, pies. 
When I took my son to school a few weeks ago, an employee of the school said to my son, "Good!  You wore your cool sneakers!  We have gym today."   I smiled and said, "In Illinois we call them tennis shoes.  It's amazing how the different states have differing terms for certain words."  He said, "Tennis shoes are for playing tennis." 
Really??  Then what are "sneakers" for??  Sneaking around?  Whatever!

I can't begin to explain to you all of the differences.  They are vast.   Those of you who have been here to visit know exactly what I'm talking about.  Establishing a new comfort zone has been the most difficult thing I have ever had to do.  It doesn't matter how much fun you're having, or how much you're learning, or the life experiences you're gaining.  You still have to have a comfort zone.  You have to allow yourself to develop one.  It can't be just inside the walls of your home.  You have to establish a comfort zone in your community.

I'm so glad we decided to take the trip to upstate NY.  I always pray and ask God to lead and guide my every move.  I ask him to light the path I am supposed to take...just as a runway is all lit up so that the airplane knows exactly where to land.  I feel our trip was an answered prayer.  I get it now. 
It's those teeny tiny insignificant things back in Illinois that I was longing for.  So, I always had this ache in my heart, but I didn't know why.  Now that I've see those things again, I understand.  I know what I have been missing.  Certain vehicles, clothes, and ways of life are what I needed to see.  I had absolutely no idea what it was until that Chevy Lumina pulled in front of us at the gas station.

Those pieces of the puzzle are put together now.  They fit so nicely.  There are still some pieces missing.  Most of those pieces are my ability to accept the new and develop a level of comfort with the new...no matter how difficult that may be.  I really believe having all of  this revealed to me over the weekend will help me do that.  I am going to strive to do this.  I'll put on the full armor of  God every day knowing that when I've done all that I feel like I can do, I will still stand like a pillar. (Ephesians 6)  I can do this.  I can become comfortable again, even if things around me look unfamiliar.

One day, in the near future, maybe my whole puzzle will be complete.  Although, do I really want the entire puzzle complete?  Probably not.   I need to leave a couple of pieces unavailable and reserved for "crazy."  We all deserve a little bit of that every now and then. :)