She is my daughter.
My daughter was born, "mature." My husbad and I were very young when she was born, and we never "baby talked" to her. We spoke to her just as she was "one of us." My husband and I were in college. We had many late nights studying and preparing for our college courses. Our daughter stayed up with us and colored, drew pictures, played Barbies, and then we would all three go to bed late into the night. Yes, looking back now, we probaby should have put her to bed at a normal bedtime, but she just hung out with us, and it was comforting and wonderful.
She was the cutest little blonde, blue-eyed, story-telling toddler. She was so creative. She loved glue sticks, construction paper, colored feathers and cotton balls and popsicle sticks. She would sit for hours and make the most amazing crafts. She enjoyed playing with friends and loved family time in our tiny apartment.
As an elementary aged girl she was smart, bold and sassy. She wanted to wear sparkly belts, jeans and sweaters. She had leopard print boots. She enjoyed American Girl dolls and Barbies. She would spend lots of time organizing her Barbie houses. My husband and I both played this with her often. I'd love to have a calculation of the number of hours we spent playing, "dollhouse," as she often referred to it. My mom, sisters and I would take my daughter on shopping trips, and it wasn't difficult at all. It was pure joy. She was "one of the girls.
In jr. high my girl really began to establish a love for sports. She played volleyball, travel softball, and basketball. She also played the trumpet and was a fabulous saxophone player. My husband and I loved watching her play sports and perform in concerts. By then, we had our son, and he woud travel with us to all of her games. She was a smart and capable student who cared about her academics. The Barbies, dollhouse, and American Girl dolls were all stored away. They made room for sports equipment, makeup, cool clothes, and friends. I was proud that my girl was growing up.
High school began! Whoa! There are vast differences between jr. high and high school. Football games, friends, and "going out" replaced most of the sports equipment and time at home. Evetually my girl decided to put sports on hold and join clubs at school and beyond. She was in the Community Service Club, volunteered at the Special Olympics, was VP of her class, volunteered at a local nursing home, and volunteered at a large hospital in our town. At this time, she began to realize that she needed to completely turn her life over to God. There are so many distractions and negative influences in a teenagers life. Ultimately, it is the teens decison to take part in these distractions, or deny them. My girl wanted nothing to do with them. It didn't matter if it cost her friends or popularity. She didn't care one bit about that; however, she did care about her classmates and wanted them to feel the peace that she felt each day simply because she chose to put her trust in Jesus.
She went to the administration at her public school. She wanted to start a Bible study for her classmates, once per month. It would be completely voluntary, and could be held during a free period. The administration told her they would have to "look into it."
They called her in a week later and gave her the green light! She prepared her Bible study, prayed about it, and nervously went into the classroom to begin her first study. She didn't know if anyone would show up. I told her, "If only one person comes to your Bible study, then it was worth it."
That day, 60 students crowded into a little room to hear my girl share her love for Jesus Christ. At the end, they all got in a circle, took their neighbor's hand, and she prayed.
As a parent, my cup runneth over...
My girl started her senior year in a brand new school, because we moved here to NY in June. My heart broke for her. How would I have reacted if my parents had told me that we were moving my senior year?
My girl has amazed me every single day. Many times since our move, she has picked me up because I had "fallen." She has transitioned beautifully. She has made connections with the most unbelievable girls I have ever met. They love her, and she loves them dearly. She tried out for the varsity volleyball team, and made it. We have enojoyed watching her play once again. Now that her brother is older, he sits, eats popcorn, and watches the scoreboard closely. The other night, it was a close game, and when we finally won, his gigantic smile was priceless. He was so proud of his big sister. He idolizes her. Their relationship is so special because there is a ten year difference between their ages. She takes care of him, loves him, almost like he is her own son, and guards him. She protects her brother! If ayone talks negatively about him, or even looks at him hatefully, that person will feel the wrath of my girl!
My girl has been filling out college applications, writing college essays, researching colleges, and thinking about college choices. It is something we discuss and plan for on a daily basis lately. Deadlines are coming, and we have to meet them. We have been so busy planning and researching. It has been all-consuming lately.
Last night, something strange happened. I had been upstairs in my girl's room looking over college information. She was stressed and I was stressed and we decided to take a break for awhile, go to bed, and begin again the next day. I came downstairs and sit down next to my husband. All of the sudden, tears began to flow. They came out of nowhere, so my husband was shocked. He said, "What is wrong?"
I began to explain. Ok. It hit me. I've been so busy thinking about college, college essays, college appications and college programs, that I have failed to think about the fact that my girl going to college means that she will no longer be living with us. Our lives, yet again, will change drastically in about nine months. I have thought about this in the past, but it seemed so distant. I just felt like I had more time, but time flies, and there is nothing we can do to slow it.
My girl, my sweet blonde-hair, blue-eyed, sassy and unique girl will live elsewhere in about nine months. No more arguments, backtalk, eye rolling, door slamming or messes. No more daily hugs, talks, laughs, nightly dinners, high school sports, Saturday morning doughnuts, or the comfort of going to bed each night knowing she was safely sleeping two doors down the hallway from me.
My mom says that I will be fine. I will. I'm tough, and so is my girl, but how fast this milestone in our lives arrived. It seems like only yesterday we were sitting in her room. She had pigtails and a sparkly outfit on, and we were playing dollhouse. Honestly, at that time, I believed that would last forever. I think it is something that, as parents, we separate ourselves from. Who wants to think about that?
I don't know why this has overwhelmed me all of the sudden. My husband and I are giving her more freedom, which means more responsibility. She has to be ready to "fly away" and be successful. We won't be there to remind her each day to do certain things or meet certain deadlines. It will be solely her responsibility. I know she will exceed my expectations, because she always does.
Our children don't belong to us; they belong to God. They are His children that He has trusted us with to raise, love, educate, and, more importantly, share Him and His love and grace and message with them. Time is ticking. Did I do my job? Did I do all that I could? Did I play enough games, spend enough time, teach her about life...the good and the bad?
I know my girl knows that I love her unconditionally. My love for her grows more deeply every day. She is my sunshine on a cloudy day. I look into her eyes, and I see myself, only so much better! She is my precious daughter, and this time next year, she will be away at college, studying and learning and living independantly. I am proud of my girl. I admire her strength. She is becoming a woman of integrity. She is becoming...a woman. She is no longer the pig-tailed toddler who came to me for her every need and want. Our relationship has changed and grown throughout the years. She blesses me beyond measure.
Some of my readers have young chilren. I know they can be exhausting to raise! It's easy to think, "It'll be so much easier when they're walking! It'll be less difficult when they can talk! Everything will get better when they start school!" Obviously, that, to some extent is true, but I can say this with certainly, "It is not easier when it is time for them to leave."
Other readers have young men and women living with you, and they will be "leaving the nest" this year or next. You "get" what I'm saying. You've been there. You know, firsthand, how cruel time can be sometimes. It just flies, and life must go on.
I know my girl is ready. She is tough, saavy, honest and filled with God's love. She is my warrior princess/hippie. My girl is unique and strong. I will cherish the end of her senior year, and celebrate with her as she moves on to pursue her education so that she is prepared to go out into this world and soar!
I want to end with a quote by Erich Fromm.
"The mother-child relationship is paradoxical and, in a sense, tragic. It requires the most intense love on the mother's side, yet this very love must help the child grow away from the mother, and to become fully independent.
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