Here I sit on day 159. My house is clean and everything is put away in its place. Pictures are hung on the walls. My furniture is arranged just so, and I am pleased with it. Well, all of the above is true except for one room in our home: the master bedroom.
Before we moved, we let our kids choose their room colors and themes. My daughter went from hot pink and lime green with polka dots everywhere, to a more "naturesque" feel, with shades of light and dark grey, soft turquoise and tans. My son used to have a sports themed room, but when we moved he decided he wanted a red, black and blue rock star themed room.
I am going to be real honest here, and some of you won't even believe this. I have not unpacked all of my bedroom. I still have six huge boxes sitting on the floor. Each are full. I have not hung my pictures or my mirror. They are all just sitting on the floor, leaning up against the wall. There is nothing on my dresser. I have beautiful built in shelves in the bedroom. They have such potential; however, they have just become a "catch all" for papers, receipts, and other items I'm just not sure what to do with.
We have had many family and friends visit from Illinois. As I show them the bedroom and we get to ours, I just say, "We've been so busy that I just haven't got around to this room yet." Honestly, we are now used to stepping over boxes in our bedroom. We have lived here for over five months, and nothing has changed. My sisters and my mother-in-law have been here twice. It isn't easy the second time someone visits to explain to them why your room is still unpacked.
My husband has asked me many times over the last few months if I had planned on unpacking the room. He says he'll help me. I usually just say, "Oh, I will; I've just been busy." Other times I'll just change the subject.
Why?
A couple of weeks ago, as we were putting away laundry as we stepped over boxes and tried not to knock the pictures on the floor over, he stopped and said, "Heather, do you think this is all a subconscious thing? Do you think you're not unpacking the room because you are not ready to "fully" be here yet. You're not ready to move completely in and really give it your all? Maybe you are keeping a bit of our things still packed up because that makes everything seem permanent?"
Wow! I was speechless, and that rarely happens. I never realized it before he said it, but maybe he was right. I didn't unpack anything, but I began to ponder the situation a little each day. A couple of things stood out to me. First, I have a pretty amazing husband. He is so kind and understanding. He knew I wasn't ready to unpack our bedroom, and he was fine with it. He wanted me to wait until I was ready. Every time he asked me about it, and I blew him off, he didn't keep hounding me. He left it alone and waited for me. Second, I realized he was right. As crazy as it may sound, I do believe that is exactly what I have been doing.
Before we moved, I wasn't sure if I would make it here in New York. I wasn't sure if I would last a week, a month, six months...I was very unsure if I could do it. I love my "comfort zone." I love things that are familiar and safe. Illinois was all of those things to me.
Now, New York is beginning to feel like my comfort zone. It is familiar to me, and that makes me feel safe. I feel strong and confident. I am not saying that to brag on myself. On the contrary, I am saying it because I am so proud of my husband, my kids, and, yes, even myself. We have moved 15 hours away from the only home we ever knew, and are creating a home here. We are meeting friends and exploring our surroundings and learning things about ourselves that we would have never learned had we let my fears dictate whether or not we moved.
Also, I have to give much credit to my family and good friends. They have pushed me, on my bad days, to get up and get out of the house. They have spent many hours with me on Skype. They text me and send us cards and sweet messages. In the beginning, when I just wanted to go home, they encouraged me. They helped me grow and I am so thankful for them.
I am ready to unpack my room. Maybe this weekend, the four of us will go in there and just "dig in." I don't know how long we will reside in New York. Maybe we'll be here for another year. Maybe we will be here for two or more years. Life is too unpredictable to pretend to know things like that. A year ago I didn't think I'd be here, in New York, blogging about moving to New York...but I am! I have learned to take things one day at a time. For the most part, I no longer worry about the future. We can't control it anyway. For me, being able to put worries about the future away, is like struggling to climb to the top of a rocky mountain, and then, finally making it to the top! I have dealt with this issue for my entire life, and I am finally getting it figured out!
For now, New York is my home. I am unpacking my room.
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