Day 27

This has really been a day to remember!

My precious baby girl turned 17 today!  I distinctly remember the glorious day she was born.  I was 18-years-old.  I was clueless and had no idea what to expect.  I wasn't sure which direction my life was going.  Then, my 7 lb. 1 oz. daughter was born on 7-1, weighing 7 lb 1oz at 1:17AM!  From that very instant, my life changed forever. 

I had an unbelievable labor.  I had my daughter right on my due date.  I walked and walked because I knew I was in labor and I was ready to see this baby girl!  My fiance and I (now husband) figured it was probably time to go to the hospital.  I stopped walking up and down the street, went home, showered, my precious mom french braided my hair so that it would all be out of my face and out of the way, and we headed to the hospital. 

I was dilated to 1cm.  WHAT?  I couldn't believe it.  I seriously thought I was ready to have this baby!  About an hour later, the doctor came to check me and my water broke.  I was staying at the hospital.  This little bundle was on her way...or so we thought!

Ten hours later, there was barely any progess at all.  I was exhausted.  I had been up the entire night before, and I was really feeling contractions, but I wasn't progressing.  I was admitted into the hospital at about 11PM on June 29.  I figured she woud be born on June 30.  I was SO wrong!  About ten hours into my labor I knew I was in trouble.  This was not happening as I had expected it to!  I was in so much pain, and I was contracting so hard that I began throwing up about every half hour or so..The worst part was the hallucinations.  My body was in such agony that I began hallucinating.  Every time I looked at the walls of my hospital room, it looked as if heavy traffic had filled the room and was traveling up the walls.  I couldn't make it stop.

I had reached hour 19.  I would fall asleep between each contraction.  I guess I would sleep for about 30 seconds at a time.  My dad spent a lot of time with me, as did my fiance.  My mom tried to come in once, but she literally could not handle seeing me in the condition that I was in.  My dad, my fiance, and my mom's best friend remained with me and soothed me and comforted me.  I honestly feel like I was very close to death.  I have never, ever felt like this at any other time in my life.   I was having out-of-body experiences.  I could see myself, lying in the hospital bed, and my dad holding a pan as I threw up, and my fiance trying to soothe me...but there was nothing I could do about it.  All I could see was traffic flowing up and down the walls of my hospital room.

Fnally, I was going on hour 20.  My doctor was at home sound asleep, and I think I was dying.  My fiance had reached his tolerance limit.  He went to the lobby, found a phone book, and called my doctor at home.  He told him to "Get to the hospital NOW!"  It WORKED!  My doctor arrived  a little after midnight on July 1, 1994.  I was only dilated to a 5!  I had been in excruciating labor for over 20 hours and was only a 5!  The doctor gave the OK for an epidural.

The anesthesiologist came in, inserted that huge needle into my back, and I went fast asleep.  I was FINALLY able to relax!  I went into a deep sleep shortly after midnight, and I woke up at exactly 1AM on July 1 screaming, "I need to push!"  The nurse checked me...she said, "Your baby has a lot of hair, and you are ready!!"  At about 1:05AM the doctor strolled in and told me to push as I counted to ten.  I did this, about three times, and, miraculously, there she was!  My beautiful baby girl was born at 1:17AM. 

She had lots of dark hair and was screaming!  I had never heard a baby scream so loudly!  My parents and sister and my fiance's mom were all waiting right outside the door and heard the entire process!  Life, as I knew it, was over.  A new and fabulous life had started.  I had a precious gift...a jewel.  I didn't deserve such a treasure.

A couple of hours had passed.  I was starving, becasue I hadn't eaten in about two days.  My fiance went to get me somethig to eat.  It was about 2AM.  I had my daugher in my arms.  It was the first time I was alone with her.  I was nervous.  I was literally scared to death.  This perfect little person was in my arms, depending on me for everything, and I had no idea what to do.  She was screaming.  I didn't even know if I was holding her right.  I looked into her eyes and I said, "It's ok; I'm here."  She stopped crying.  She stopped crying instantly.  We looked into each other's eyes.  She recognized that voice.  The voice of her mother who loved her so much.  That was it; I was hooked.

My baby, that precious baby, turned 17 today.  I am filled with bittersweet emotions.  I am literally torn in half. 

The first half is elated.  I could shout it from the mountaintops:  "My daugher is 17!  She will be a SENIOR in high school!  She can drive a car!  She will be leaving for college in only one year!  Let's hear it for MY daughter!"

The second half is just in shock.  I just gave birth to this little baby.  I want to shout, "She needs me!  She is just too young for all of this!  Why did 17 years have to fly by...why couldn't they just lasted forever?  She doesn't need me to hold her hand anymore!  She doesn't want me to read her bedtime stories anymore!  RIght now, as I'm typing, she in on a train home after spending an evening in NYC!  She doesn't come sit in my lap.  I don't pick out her clothes.  I can't make every single decision for her.  I have ONE year left with her in my house, sleeping under the same roof as me."

Lord, give me strengh.  I have great joy and reasurrance when I walk past my children's bedrooms at night and they are sleeping soundly.  When I do this, and they are in dreamland, then all is well with the world.  What will I do when she no longer lives under the same roof  as me? 

I praise the name of the Lord that I am His child, and she is His child.  He died for her and loves her even more than I love her.  If my precious daughter would have been the only person on the earth, He still would have died, just to save her soul.
So, I really don't think I need to fear.

She is a child of the MOST HIGH.  She is worth more than rubies and more precious than gold.  She is a daughter of the King!  He holds my precious girl in the palm of his hand.  She is His creation.  I praise Him for his mercy, grace and forgiveness.  He cares for my baby girl.  He knows when she sits and when she rests; He knows when she comes and when she goes; He knows when she's is filled with joy, and when she is overflowing with heartache.  He knows it all; and He feels it all. 
I am her mother, but she is His.  He has given this gift to me for awhile.  He trusted me, Heather M., to raise His child.  I strive to be the mother and caregiver that He has created me to be so that she she will become the woman that she was created to be. 

I often ponder the quote, "The days are long, but the years are short." 
Some days, as we care for small children, all we do is look forward to bedtime.  That is just the way it is.  We are only "human."  We tire, and we need a break from our daily tasks.  "Mom, I need this!  Mom, can you help me with this?"  It can become exhausting.  The days seem like they just drag on forever.  We can't wait until naptime.  Then, we can't wait until daddy gets home to take over for awhile.  Then, the three b's:  bath, bottle and bed!
On the other hand, the years fly by!  Take Christmas for instance, or a child's birthday.  It arrives, you celebrate, and then, before you know it, you 're doing it AGAIN!  You say, "We just did this; where has the year gone?"

For those of you who have small children:  I know, firsthand, how tough it is day after day.  It can literally bring you to tears.  I have probably cried a small river between the two of my kids; however, before you know it, it will be over. 

No more rocking them to sleep, no more bedtime stories, no more picking out their clothes or putting ribbons in their hair.  Also, the day they kiss and hug you in front of everyone is over!  Would they rather hang out with their friends instead of you?  YES!  Do they think you're strange and old-fashioned?  YES!  Is that normal?  YES!! 

My daugher is brave, loyal and strong.  She knows who she is, and she refuses to change for anyone.  She is hard-headed and difficult at times.  She is smart and independent.  She loves her mom!  She is "my girl."  Yes, she loves her friends and her independence, but when push comes to shove, I get a text, a call, or a "Mom, can we talk later?"  That means the world to me. 
My daugher loves Jesus.  She does't just claim to love Him...she seeks Him.  She wants to please Him.  She isn't just a "churchgoer."  She desires a relationship with the Creator of the universe.  She isn't ashamed.  She doesn't care who knows.  She's strong.

My baby is beautiful on the outside.  She has gorgeous blonde hair and piercing blue eyes.  She has thes amazing pink full lips and a figure that would make anyone jealous.  Even with all of that, she is even more beautiful on the inside. 

She has a heart of pure gold.  She has a personality that people are drawn to .  She has a heart for the needy.  She is my child.

She is 17 today.  She leaves for college in one short year; she leaves to begin a new chapter in one teeny tiny year.  Godspeed, my precious girl! 

I leave for her these verses.  They are easy to follow, but if read and studied and pondered, they will effect every apect of one's life:
Philippians 4:4-9
"Rejoice in the Lord always.  I will say it again:  Rejoice!  Let your gentleness be evident t all.  The Lord is near.  Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding will guard your heart and your mind in Jesus Christ.
Finally, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think of such things.  Whatever you have learned or received  or heard from me, or seen in me--put into practice.  And the God of peace will be with you."

Do not worry.  What my daughter has learned or recieved or heard from the Lord, she will follow.  She will put it into practice.  The peace of God will be with her.

What more could a mother want for her daughter?
I'm a mother of a 17-year-old and I couldn't be happier!

Thank you Lord.  Thank you Jesus.  Thank you, Creator of the Universe.  Thank you, Savior of my soul, for the gift of my sweet girl.